If you never change your mind, why have one?

Why do people lie? I’m not talking little white lies, but full blown OH THE SHAME~ lies. 

There are some people out there who really can’t help but lie. Pathological liars; individuals that so badly want their lives to sound exciting or impressive that they constantly lie. There are other people who lie in order to get out of sticky situations, which is a trait that grows in us since childhood. The lie being told is preferential to the consequences of telling the truth. The problem with that method is that if it works for you often, you’ll find it hard to stop. There is no general motive for lying, because there is no general type of person. Because we’re all different, we all lie for different reasons. 

^But that’s only if you want to go into specifics. Let’s step back and take a broader view of ourselves. If you’ve ever had a difficult girl/boyfriend, you’ve probably often wondered how truthful they are.

Why the hell was Tyrone texting Tamisha? He say they just friends… COULD HE BE LYING?

Studies have shown that men do lie more than women. On average, a man lies roughly 1,092 times in a year & is less likely to feel guilty than his female counterpart who lies an estimate of 728 times in a year. Unless they were lying about that too. 

What about at the workplace? Who would you think is more trustworthy, the mayor or the lawyer? Polls show that the least trusted professions include journalists, police officers, lawyers, handymen (with sticky fingers), agents/managers, politicians, mechanics and used car salesmen. 

This is something we have to learn to get over. People lie. But - unless you’re a God, a robot, or an Avatar - that makes you a person as well. Which means you’ve lied too. Lying, just like any other of our minds’ defense mechanisms is something we cannot control, it’s something that cannot be changed in the human mind complex. And though it’s never right to put up with someone intentionally lying to hurt or use you - it’s also important to keep in mind that we are all, only human. 

In 2008, Katy Perry released the song that would eventually skyrocket her into celebrity worship status~, ‘I Kissed a Girl’. The song went on to be recognized as the 10th best selling single of the 21st century, and hit number one on twenty charts around the world. So what made this song such a huge success? One, it was fucking catchy. Two, it’s gender bending theme made a huge splash. It seemed like she just wanted the whole world to know how ambiguous she could be - the world didn’t seem to mind at all. But imagine a young man singing He’d Kissed a Boy And Liked It. Would that song have reached #1 on the charts? Would he be as respected among the media as Katy Perry? 

For hundreds of years, men & women have had very simple, yet specific rolls in culture. The Woman plays the damsel distress, the care giver, the mother. The Man plays the knight in shining armor, the hunter, the bread winner. Over time, these stereo types have slightly been shed, but on which side? Now a days, women can be business execs, veterans, professional athletes - and if they don’t feel like doing that, they can just play the damsel or the mother again. It’s all very good & acceptable. The ideal man however, is continually seen as the Knight, Hunter & Breadwinner.

Along with these rolls, men & women also have very different physical boundaries. It’s alright for girls to hug & kiss girlfriends, but it’s seen as weird or strange for boys to show physical affection. Why is it that two girls kissing can be a turn on for a boy, but two boys kissing can’t be for a girl? It’s because of the very strict mental boundary we’ve picked up since children. All of stereo types, expectations, boundaries - they’ve embedded themselves into our opinions and morals. Why is Katy Perry making millions while Adam Lambert is fighting obscurity? 

Fortunately, it seems that generations are beginning to become more and more accepting. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was just repealed, pleasing not only the LGBT community, but much of the straight population as well. 

The sooner we learn to rid ourselves of stereotypes & ridiculous male/female expectations, the closer we are to ridding ourselves of unfair double standards. 

Researches at UCSD (Medical School/San Diego) are studying whether the natural chemicals released in the brain when we express physical love (hugging, kissing, mother/newborn touch) might benefit those suffering from Schizophrenia, Autism & other social disorders.

‘Oxytocin’ is the chemical released in humans when experiencing pleasant physical touch. The feeling of Oxytocin is similar to the feeling of Ecstasy, which explains people’s fascination with sex & well, - drugs. But besides a natural high, Oxytocin does something to your brain waves. It alters the brain signals related to social behavior & recognition, enhances them. 

People with Schizophrenia or Autism tend to shy away from eye-to-eye gaze and avoid meaningful social contact. The researchers theorize that the use of Oxytocin on the brains of patients suffering from these & other social disabilities might increase their level of trust & emotional contact. 

Makes you wonder what else can be done with all that’s going on in our heads. 

(http://ucsdnews.ucsd.edu/newsrel/health/02-08LoveHormone.asp)

and there are Asian children playing soccer in front of my house

this can’t end well

Everyone’s felt it. That feeling of not being deserving of something or someone. It’s called self doubt and it really sucks, so here are three tips on how to overcome this feeling. 

1. You may not believe it, but we have the power to decide that we are, in fact, good enough. You control your self worth. In order to be good enough, you’ve gotta believe it. No one else can do it for you, you’ve gotta take control of your emotions & give yourself a break. Remind yourself when you feel imperfect, that there is no such thing as imperfect - because really, there isn’t a thing as perfect either. Often times our harshest critics are ourselves.
2. How often do you quickly dismiss something you did well? Do you allow yourself to recognize & accept praise from others and feel that you deserve it? The frequency of this is probably much less than the amount of time you spend criticizing yourself or dwelling on something you did wrong. Be on your side, always. 
3. I failed my very first Geometry test. I remember feeling so disappointed, & thinking of transferring to a lower level class because I felt I wasn’t good enough & didn’t belong there. In the end I stuck it out & now am doing great & actually really enjoy Geometry. I had this horrible idea of ‘perfect’. That every single thing I did had to be perfect - or I wasn’t perfect. But we’re only human, & as humans we have to accept that ‘perfect’ just isn’t part of who we are. We were meant to breathe in oxygen, we were meant to walk on land, but we were never meant to be perfect. When you lift that threat of perfection, the threat of pressure & anxiety is lifted as well. You’ll find that your performance in anything will be much better once these false burdens are gone.

The truth is that we are all equal. No single, walking, breathing, living clump of flesh and blood is better than another. The trick is allowing yourself to feel good, giving yourself the credit you deserve. You are good enough.

‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?’  - Marianne Williamson

As human beings, we have a deep craving for approval & acceptance. We want people to like us, we want to be good looking, we want to make someone happy. 

This craving goes way back - think 10,000 B.C. If you were on your own, your chance of survival would be much lower than if you were to travel with a group. You needed your tribe for food, shelter, and protection. Being rejected by others back then pretty much meant death. Evolutionary speaking, we are hardwired to want to form relationships and feel like we belong. 

Neurologically speaking, rejection sucks. In general, we really aren’t that good at dealing with rejection. We tend to view loss as much more significant than gain. For example, in Daniel Kahneman’s Nobel Prize winning theory, individuals view the pain of losing $50 as much stronger than the joy of receiving $50. We have this crippling fear of loss - so we avoid taking chances.